A story of patience (or lack thereof)

"How did you tell Camm you were pregnant?" was a question that many friends asked me after I had made it public that I was carrying the babe. "Uh, he told me...?" has always been my response. Here's why:

The directions on the box explicitly said to pee on the stick and then wait three minutes for test results. A dash indicates negative and a plus indicates positive. "Eh, directions," I thought, "What do they know?"
I peed on the stick and immediate looked at it.

"Not pregnant," I decided and chucked it in the trash can.

...Three minutes later...

I heard Camm's voice from the bathroom.
"Um, Moll!" he exclaimed.
"Oh, what do you want Camm?"
"Um, it looks like we're having a baby!"
"No we're not, Camm. Thanks but I just did the test."
"I know Moll, and it says positive."
Though not fully convinced,  I came running. Sure enough there it was:

And nine months later came the princess...the rest is history


Did anyone else fail to wait the three minutes? Or am I the only completely impatient one?

The airplane--by Ruby

When I was a little baby (even littler than I am now) my parents told me we were going to go to Hawaii for Thanksgiving. I'd never heard of Hawaii before, but it sounded like fun. They told me that we got to fly there. How cool! Well, it sounded cool anyway, until I realized what it was.

At the airport, I looked out the windows and saw the big planes. I was excited to get on

Once I got on, I realized it was going to be a lot squishier than I'd ever imagined. I have to sit on my parents' laps the whole time? What am I going to do?

I tried to be a good girl, so I smiled and acted excited still. Soon we were three hours into the air and mommy said we were halfway there.

Halfway? I couldn't believe it. I felt like we'd been on the plane forever. I'd been so good for so long, I couldn't imagine having to be on there any longer. I was sick of the same three toys my parents kept giving me and I was sick of hanging out on their laps. That's when I got sad. I began to cry

Suddenly an idea came to me. I would do something I had never done before and have never done since. I would pull a prank that would prove to those parents of mine that I was in control. 

I did it! I had a blowout so big that both my parents, their seats, all the blankets and all of our clothes were covered. 

Mommy had brought a change of clothes for me so I was fine. But her and daddy were smelly as can be.

To sleep or not to sleep

Have you ever been too tired to go to bed? Here's a good solution:

11:48pm on Thursday night I was sitting on my bed doing homework. Camm was on the floor doing homework as well. I heard a yawn followed by, "Hey Moll, I gotta go to bed. I'm too tired to keep working."

I looked around at the bed I was working on.

I know those papers look like they're in a heap of nonsense, but they are actually in a very precise order that if moved would ruin my entire thesis.

Though I was tired, the thought of putting these things away absolutely exhausted me. "Camm," I said, "I have a lot of work to do, I think I'll just pull an all-nighter." Then I realized that if Camm wanted to sleep, I still had to clean off the bed even if I didn't want to sleep. 

That's when I came up with the grand solution: Forego the bed and construct a fort:

The good news: I didn't have to pull an all-nighter or sleep with my homework.

The bad news: We had to sleep on the floor.

Rescue 911: or my first "Crazy Mother Story"

Growing up my cousins and I would always get together and tell "crazy mother stories" about all of the absolutely crazy things our mothers would do. This was my first crazy mother story that came when Ruby was only in the womb. 
I wrote this as an email to my mother on December 10, 2010 (when I was in the midst of my first trimester of pregnancy). 


I got home from school today and walked in the door and my house stunk like gas. Naturally, I was worried and asked Camm if he smelled it. He said, "kind of". I thought he was crazy for not being more concerned about it and of course I knew that there was a terrible gas leak in our house. I quickly called the Orem city fire department and told them that I came in and smelled gas in the house. The fireman I talked to said I needed to hang up and dial 911. I called 911 and told them and they said to evacuate the house and wait for the fire department to come. I told Camm that we needed to clear out and we went outside to wait.

As if waiting on the front porch would save us from an explosion

Shortly thereafter we heard the sirens bellowing through our little neighborhood. Up pulled the firetruck and the ambulance. In an epic moment the 6 firefighters get out and ask what the problem is (I found this picture which kind of illustrates the feelings I had for them who were coming to save the day).

photo courtesy of

We (I mean, I) sent them inside with explicit instructions about how the house reeked of gas and we all were about to explode. 

They went in for a couple minutes and then they came out and said, "Now, where exactly did you smell the gas?" 

(At this point I started feeling angry. "Are they stupid?" I wondered)

I said, "Right inside--everywhere". They stared at me bewildered and I realized I needed to take matters into my own hands.  I walked inside the house (where I was sure I was going to explode) and said in a completely perturbed tone, "You can't smell that?!" I saw them exchange confused glances. 

To be nice I'm sure, I saw them take out their gas detecting machines and walk around the house pretending to do something. Obviously they thought I was crazy.

Meanwhile, Camm was just standing in the background trying to not get on his pregnant wife's bad side. 

Finally one of the firefighters said to me, "Is there any chance someone in the household is pregnant?" I admitted that I was prego. Immediately they bust up laughing as the female firefighter said she'd told them she knew I had to be pregnant to be smelling something that not even the detector could pick up. They quickly left the house.

Fifteen minutes later the bishop called from our church and said, "I have gotten word that you have had an accident at your house. Is everything alright?" Thanks, as if it weren't the most embarrassing experience of my life. Let's just top it off.

And there we have it, my first crazy mother story.

And here's my new idea:

Pregnant Women: the new gas detectors.

A Valentine's tribute to my Valentine: The Story of Us

I'll never forget the day we met. I was sitting in the hallway outside the sociology conference room chewing on a pen. Camm was standing above me with his backpack buckled as if he were about to go on a huge backpacking trip.

A couple days later I jokingly said "Hey Camm! Wanna run a marathon." "Sure thing," he replied and 26.2 miles later we were falling in love. (He later told me that though he never had run more than 2 miles, when a pretty girl asks you to run a marathon, you don't pass up the opportunity)

I soon was off to Peru for my mission and we corresponded only through letters

I'll never forget the day we got married. He's the best!

I love you today even more than I did when we got married. You're the best! Happy Valentine's day!

Why I Never Made it to Baywatch

When I was sixteen I had my first job as a lifeguard. “Cool job!” I thought, “I’ll make tons of money ($5.50) and all I have to do is sit there.” I took the course and soon was hired at two local pools.

One day as I was half asleep in the lifeguard stand I was rudely interrupted by a stocky fifteen year old kid. “What do you want?” I look down at him. I feel all-powerful up in my chair looking down at the boy who is a whole year younger than me.

Him: Do you have an aspirin?

Me: No. Why would you need an aspirin?

Him: No, it’s just that my friend just hit her head and she has a headache.

Me: SHE HIT HER HEAD?

Him: Yeah.

SIRENS GO OFF IN MY MIND AS I HAVE FLASHBACKS OF LIFEGUARD TRAINING.

“If someone hits their head,” my teacher had explained, “they have a likely chance of a spinal injury and you must treat them accordingly.”

I blew my whistle and jumped in the pool. Only then did I realize I didn’t know who the girl was. Patrons stared at me as I swam around mindlessly. The other lifeguards looked bewildered from their stands. I swam to one girl, “Did you hit your head?” “Uh, no.” Strike one. I swim to another girl, “Did you hit your head?” She says yes but looks confused. She is about fifteen and there at the pool with her friends. “Per protocol, we have to backboard you to ensure that there is no spinal injury.” I motion for the other guard to bring the backboard. We strap her to it. She is embarrassed as can be as her friends watch in awe.

To make a long story short, since she was an unaccompanied minor, we had to call the paramedics. They came only to un-strap her and tell her that she was fine.

The good news as she told me: “Well, I don’t have a headache anymore.”

Parenthood

Having a baby has made me do things that I wouldn't have otherwise done. Here's one such example.

Ruby woke up from her nap and I changed her diaper as usual. She was acting really hungry, so I didn't take the time to put her pants back on. We went into the kitchen and I began making the bottle. I measured out the water and put the scoops of formula in. Ruby got a little bit too excited. She reached out for it and knocked the bottle over and it splattered all over me. I barely even flinched as I set Ruby down, took off my soaking wet jeans (everyone hates soggy jeans), cleaned up the mess, and made a new bottle.

It wasn't until I was sitting with Ruby happily drinking her bottle that I looked down and realized something odd:

2 girls
2 T-shirts
2 sweat-shirts
0 pants

What similar situations have you found yourself in?

My little girl

Dear Ruby,

It is 9:30 at night and you have been asleep for a while.

I begin to miss seeing you giggle.

I walk into the hallway and stand in your doorway.

There you are. You look so peaceful.

You are wearing your brown monkey polka-dot pajamas and somehow look like an angel. I wonder if angels wear monkey pajamas.

Lying on your back, you are sucking on your fingers. I marvel that just eight short months ago you didn’t even know where your fingers were.

Your hair is finally coming in. I see it move as you breathe. You were bald for so long. Soon we may be able to do a pony tail.

I wonder what you are dreaming about. I hope it is a good dream.

I see you stir. I step out of your view so you don’t see me looking.

You roll over and resume your sleep. I marvel again. How did you learn to roll over? You couldn’t do that even 6 months ago.

I realize you are growing up so quickly. I can’t help but feel a little bit sad. What happened to my little baby?

I leave the doorway and thumb through your pictures. You have grown so much.

You are beautiful. You are perfect. You are my baby girl. I love you. I will always love you.

Love,

Mommy