The Love Languages

When Camm and I were engaged, we registered at Target. The night we were registering, we got distracted in the book section by the book The 5 Love Languages. (For those who haven't heard of it, there are five different ways that people feel and show love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch). Camm's arm was around me, I had a big rock on my finger, and we were holding the registry gun as we skimmed the book together: obviously a mushy, engaged couple, right?

Suddenly this 20-something guy with his red Target employee badge and greasy dirty blonde hair came up to us. In this fake (yet serious) sensual voice he said to us, "That's a really good book to learn about love."

Oh great, I thought, last thing I need is a lesson from the greasy Target employee. 

"Are you dating anyone?" the thick-wannabe-lustful voice asked me.

"Yeah, we're together," I said with as much politeness as I could muster in the situation--really? How could we not be together?

Determined to finish his (trying to be) arousing speech, he said in the same voice"Well my love language is physical touch."

Wow, we put the book down and continued registering....

That happened 3 years ago. Today I remembered the book (not really thinking about the incident), and decided to check what my love language is. I went to the company's website here, and took their little test.

The result? Well my love language is physical touch. (imagine I said that in the same greasy voice from above). Ironic?

What are your experiences with this book? Do you find it helpful? What have you liked about it?

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Stick Straight

As you know, my hair looks like this:

 My friend's hair looks like this:

She told me she does this REALLY EASY thing called the "no-heat curl". She directed me to this blog and I followed the directions. You wrap your hair around one hair band and sleep in it. In the morning you look beautiful. I followed perfectly:

When I woke up I looked like this:

My sweet Camm said something like, "Maybe you were supposed to curl more than one hair."

I think I'll just stick to the straight look.

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Tips for Living a Successful Life: PART 2 by Ruby

Hi guys, I'm back. Last week my mom posted "Two Tips for Living a Successful Life", and while it was a decent article, I've come up with two of my very own.

1. Lately my parents have been giving me a cereal called "Raisin Bran". There are two parts to this cereal (as the name implies): "raisin" and "bran". I would like to recommend that it is very important to only eat the raisins. The bran part tastes yucky. If your dad tries to get you to eat the bran part by showing you how (as he puts it in his mouth), play dumb and let him keep "showing you how". Eventually he will have eaten all the bran, and you will have only eaten the raisins. Definitely a win.

2. Hardly ever speak, so that your parents think you don't know how. Then, at very opportune moments, "magically" say a word. You will undoubtedly get your way. For example, walking by the cookies in the grocery store is the perfect time to pull out the word "cookie" for the first time. It'll melt the parent's heart, and you'll get the cookies.

Does anyone have any other ideas for me that I can start practicing now at 19 months? I know it is important to start early in order to be successful, right?

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Airport Security in Ecuador

At any American airport, going through security with a baby bottle feels very high-tech.

"Ma'am, I'm going to need to test your baby's milk to make sure it's safe," says the tall, strong, very serious looking man working security.

He puts it in an in tense machine and waves it with a magic wand. When he hands it back to you and says, "It's safe," you've never felt more sure that what your baby is drinking truly is "safe" (whatever that means).

On the way home from South America it was--let's just say--not as high-tech. Through security, nobody said a thing about the bottle. But when we went to get on the plane, the man taking our tickets decided it was his responsibility to make sure the milk was safe.
"I need to you drink out of the bottle," he said as he looked me in the eye.
I was sure that maybe there was something lost in translation. To make it easier, I repeated back to him in Spanish, "You want me to drink the bottle."
"Yes," he said as I realized he had to be serious. And that there wasn't a problem with the translation--this was real.

I drank out of Ruby's bottle, and the man nodded for us to get on the plane.
I guess this time I really knew first hand the milk was safe.

Two tips for living a successful life.

1. The recipe for hot cocoa calls for six ounces of water or milk. Don’t fill up a mug and then put your packet in, people. Then you will have gross watered down cocoa. Six ounces, got it?

2. Have a lot of XYZ moments? Where your fly is undone? You can lock your zipper in place by laying the zipper flat. (I thought that this was common sense, but after a couple XYZ moments with the hub, I learned that maybe not everyone figured this out in the first 26 years of life)

Anyone else have some tips that we could add to this list? Put them in the comments section.

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Toddler Power: (by Ruby the toddler)

My mom was reading an article today about fears that toddlers have. Can I just say they're nuts?


Granted, sometimes my mom thinks I'm afraid of strangers--and that was on the list. Really, it's just that I get annoyed with all these random people stroking my hair and rubbing my cheeks telling me how cute I am. Talk about awkward. I don't even know what to say. So I hide behind my mom and try to get them to stop.

One of the fears was of toilets. It said toddlers are afraid because it is loud and that they might fall in. I LOVE the toilet. It makes cool noises when I pull the handle. It has water that looks tasty inside. It looks like a lot of fun. I wish I could go swimming in it! Someday I might be able to make it in before my mom makes me leave....hopefully. The only thing I'm afraid of when it comes to toilets is that I'll get in trouble yet again for playig in it.

Another fear were masks and costumes. Let me put this straight: I'm not afraid of them, but I do think they're ridiculous--why would anyone want to wear something like that. Come on, guys. Have some fashion sense!

Fears of "Being Alone" and "Separation" both made me laugh. I'm rejoice every time I get some peace and quiet from those crazy parents who are always tickling me, feeding me, chasing me...a little peace and quiet here and there is greatly appreciated.

I'm brave. OK. And I'm sure I'm not the only brave toddler out there (though I probably am the bravest toddler out there). But really guys, stop thinking we're afraid of everything. Toddler POWER!


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Ruby the Fashion Designer

Ruby rang in the New Year in this awesome outfit. When I say "rang in" I mean, when we put her to bed several hours before midnight on New Year's Eve this is what she insisted on wearing to bed--boots and all.

She still had the boots on the next morning.

Wait 17 years, folks, and there you'll be seeing Ruby Clark, top fashion designer, on all the tabloids.

Plans for 2013

New Year's Resolutions by Month:

January – Make it through the whole month without slipping on the snow. If successful, this may be the only January of my life to have succeeded in that (not counting the two Januarys I spent in South America).

February – Act like a 26 year old. I’ll be nearing my late twenties, and ought to start acting like it.

March – Pinch at least 5 people on St. Patrick’s Day. I’ve always wanted to pinch random strangers I see in the store who don’t have green. This year, I’m going to do it.

April – Plan at least three amazing April Fool’s pranks (friends/family: beware!)

May – There will still be snow. My goal will be to set a cap on how much I can complain about it: No more than four times per day.

June – Celebrate Camm’s birthday . . . something comes up every year so I miss it (like I have a baby, or am in a different state, or a different country)

July – Take Ruby swimming every day. Don’t forget to get it on video so that when she’s in the Olympics in 19 years they can have it play during the commercials.

August – Eat a Pronto Pup at the Tillamook County Fair (haven’t tasted the goodness since 2007 – way too long).

September – Figure out something academic-ish to start since I won’t be starting school.

October – Plan my Halloween costume more than two hours ahead of time (this will be a first).

November – Embrace my consumerist-American heritage and join in Black Friday (just to see what it’s like).

December – Celebrate Festivus (somehow we missed it this year).

2012 HighLights (and Low-lights)

January - Began another semester teaching stats. This time I had read the book ahead of time so I at least sort of knew what I was talking about.

February - I actually asked Camm to throw me a surprise birthday party and he actually threw me one. Reflecting back, I have two main questions: 1 - who does that? 2 - does that even count as a surprise party?

March - Camm was out of town the same weekend Ruby was sick. At 3am I thought I couldn't take one more second and purchased a "Soundspa Lullaby" noisemaker for the baby. I was sure it would help. Unfortunately, I forgot that it takes three days for Amazon to deliver.

April - I woke up Easter morning to Ruby's cries and realized the Easter Bunny had completely spaced it. Good thing I still have time to practice this mommy stuff.

May - My teaching schedule changed to 5 HOUR SATURDAY STATISTICS classes. Can't believe the class didn't fill up. Also can't believe they didn't have 500 other people fighting for my job.

June - Pulled my hair out every day Camm was in Oregon and we were still in Utah. At least it was only a mere $600 to fly him back for Ruby's birthday. (Why does it cost so much to fly from Klamath Falls? Can someone answer that?)

July - First day in Oregon I put Ruby in her stroller on the porch and turned to lock the front door. When I turned back, Ruby had rolled off the porch and, still strapped in the stroller, was lying face down on the pavement. Welcome to Oregon, Clark Family!

August - Fell in love with the Redwoods. Need I say more?

September - Ruby's learning of the word "No" changed my life. Simple statements ("let's change your diaper" or "time to go to sleep") that were once followed by blind obedience now are followed by an angry face with shouting "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"

October - I skipped autumn. It was summer when I left to visit my grandpa in Tillamook. It was winter when I got home.

November - First sentence Ruby ever spoke was to a very kind little Peruvian lady, Armanda, who was trying to feed her some rice. Ruby kept shaking her head, but when Armanda persisted, Ruby looked her straight in the eye and yelled as loudly as she could, "No, Armanda!!"

December - Six months out of school, I am still taking advantage of "Amazon Student". Is that morally wrong?